TRAVEL AS THERAPY: WHAT OTHER COUNTRIES CAN DO FOR YOU

From the New Yorker.  Funny.  😀


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Photograph by Steeve Iuncker / Agence VU / Redux

Too often when we travel we forget that the exotic settings – the vibrant culture, even the charming indigenous folks we meet along the way – are all just a backdrop for our personal transformations. In fact, foreign countries can help you recover from traumatic life events, shake you out of that weird malaise, or even escape from various legal issues. But it’s important to choose your destination wisely, as each nation has a different specialty.

For example, say you are . . .

Reeling from a Divorce*

You and the ashes of your life are going to Tuscany! Spending a summer making pasta by hand in the Italian countryside is scientifically proven to help you get over that failed marriage. At first, it may be painful, and you’ll put on some pounds from the pasta. But then, one day, while making macaroni, one by one, you’ll realize that you actually bullied your ex-husband a lot, and that a pantywaist like him could never have been your soul mate! That’s when you’ll meet Marciano, a lusty long-­haired man who loves you for who you are and needs a visa.

*Men’s version: Head to the Texas Panhandle to study the noble art of pit-smoked barbecue; meet Greg.

Reeling from a Second—and Much Nastier—Divorce from Marciano

Hmm. This one is trickier, but you could try Jamaica. You might not come home with the love of your life, but you’ll definitely get cornrows and bottomless conch fritters. And if you stay at Sandals it’s all included!

Not a Celebrated Novelist Yet, for Some Reason

It’s a well-known fact that the reason you can’t write that novel is because you’re sitting at your desk, and not in a Paris café staring at a fresh Moleskine and your third croissant. After bracing walks through the romantic arrondissements where stylish Parisians throw lit cigarettes at you because you dress like a parent at an amusement park, you should have just the spark you need to set the literary world ablaze. Creative juices still not flowing? Take a cue from Hemingway: get super-wasted every day.

Fired, Spectacularly, from Your Job

Though unfairly pigeonholed as a paradise for sex tourists, Thailand is also the perfect place to disappear after some kind of career-ending embarrassment. You’ll have plenty of time to plot your next move while beach hopping and periodically popping into internet cafés to post pictures of yourself in a sarong. Meanwhile, your former co­-workers will stop remembering you as the moron who called Homeland Security on the I.T. guy. They’ll remember you as that bald man in a sarong from your mom’s Facebook post: “LAST SEEN AT ‘FULL MOON PARTY’ IN KO PHANGAN. PLEASE HELP FIND MY DOUGIE!!”

Wanted for Murder

Head down to Mexico and live out your days in Margaritaville as a friendly beachfront-motel owner who cries when he’s drunk. Home to some of the world’s best tacos, this breathtakingly corrupt country also offers very favorable exchange rates, so if a neighbor gets nosy and you have to kill again, you can bribe your way out of it for next to nothing. Best of all, it’s so close! You can drive there straight from the first murder, and have your toes in the sand before anyone finds your business partner’s foot in the freezer…

For more great writing check out the New Yorker’s humour section.

For great escapes head to five star luxury at one of Le Royal Hotels & Resorts

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